Go Back   All Offtopic Forums > Offtopic > Anything Goes
Arcade Members List Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 10-27-2011, 11:32 PM   #101
stonehenge
y u hovering on my shit for?
 
stonehenge's Avatar
 

Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Hoenn
Posts: 85,082
stonehenge says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.stonehenge says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.stonehenge says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.stonehenge says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.stonehenge says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.stonehenge says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.
stonehenge says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.stonehenge says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.stonehenge says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.stonehenge says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.stonehenge says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.stonehenge says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.stonehenge says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.
Default

omg srsly i would have to try REALLY hard to not do one of these faces:






stonehenge is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-27-2011, 11:35 PM   #102
Cez★
C-E-Z★ bitch
 
Cez★'s Avatar
 
El Emigrante Champion Kill Time in Your Office Champion Tobby: Crane Champion Zelda Champion
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: New Port City
Age: 32
Posts: 105,895
Cez★ says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.Cez★ says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.Cez★ says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.Cez★ says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.Cez★ says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.Cez★ says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.Cez★ says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.Cez★ says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.Cez★ says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.
Cez★ says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.Cez★ says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.Cez★ says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.Cez★ says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.Cez★ says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.Cez★ says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.Cez★ says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.Cez★ says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.Cez★ says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.
Default

or one of these






---------- Post added at 05:35 PM ---------- Previous post was at 05:35 PM ----------



pinche gente pendeja
__________________
Pirate Asuka Ready to Plunder Your Booty


Quote:
I am the robber of my cradle. Candy is my body and teddy-bears are my blood. I have snatched over a thousand little girls. Unknown to police. Nor known to Chris Henson. Have withstood time to stalk many children. Yet those kids will never be enough. So as I pray--

Unlimited Pedo Works
Cez★ is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-27-2011, 11:40 PM   #103
theholycow
Bovinus Administratus
 
theholycow's Avatar
 

Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Greener pastures
Posts: 32,377
theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.
theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.
Default

Quote:
(My fiancee is an extremely outgoing and charismatic individual. Unfortunately, sometimes women take his outgoing personality as expressing interest in them. One day, he has the following conversation with a female classmate.)

Classmate: “Oh, hey! I noticed you weren’t in lab today.”

My fiancee: “Yeah, I switched labs today because we had some plans this morning for the car.”

Classmate: “We? Who’s we?”

My fiancee: “My fiancee and I. She needed new tires.”

Classmate: *sadly* “Oh, I thought you wanted to have me be your girlfriend…”

My fiancee: “Oh, sorry about that. I didn’t mean to lead you on.”

Classmate: “It’s okay, I just dreamed last night about you hog-tying me while being romantic. See you later!”
Hot

Quote:
(My sister is at her boyfriend’s house for dinner with his family. She’s excited and nervous because he’d told her it would be “a night you’ll never forget.” She has a habit of always unfolding napkins and setting them on her lap before eating, which he’s teased her about before. When she sits down, everyone stares at her, making her feel even more self-conscious.)

Sister: “What’s everyone looking at?”

Boyfriend: “Nothing. So, aren’t you going to open your napkin and put it on your lap?”

(My sister thinks he’s teasing her in front of his family, so she refuses.)

Sister: “No. No I’m not.”

(As dinner progresses, everyone continues to stare at her.)

Sister: *wipes mouth with napkin without opening it*

Boyfriend’s kid sister: *starts laughing uncontrollably*

Sister: “What?! What’s so funny?”

(The kid sister spills her drink from laughing, and my sister automatically reaches to clean up the spill with her napkin.)

Boyfriend: “Oh, for God’s sake!”

(He snatches the napkin from her hand, opens it, and sets it on the table in front of her. Written on the napkin are the words, “Will you marry me?” My sister stares in shock, and then bursts into tears. An awkward silence descends until she buries her face in her boyfriend’s shoulder.)

Boyfriend’s father: “Um. Is that a yes, then?”

(My sister nods, crying too hard to talk. His father proceeds to bring out a cake that says “Congratulations Ashley and Larry!” as my sister continues to cry.)

Boyfriend’s father: “We had another cake that said ‘Thanks Anyway!’ just in case.”
...that's exactly how that plan would have worked for me, too. That shit always happens to me.
__________________
theholycow is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-27-2011, 11:42 PM   #104
Cez★
C-E-Z★ bitch
 
Cez★'s Avatar
 
El Emigrante Champion Kill Time in Your Office Champion Tobby: Crane Champion Zelda Champion
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: New Port City
Age: 32
Posts: 105,895
Cez★ says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.Cez★ says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.Cez★ says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.Cez★ says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.Cez★ says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.Cez★ says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.Cez★ says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.Cez★ says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.Cez★ says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.
Cez★ says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.Cez★ says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.Cez★ says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.Cez★ says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.Cez★ says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.Cez★ says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.Cez★ says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.Cez★ says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.Cez★ says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.
Default



omaigawd
__________________
Pirate Asuka Ready to Plunder Your Booty


Quote:
I am the robber of my cradle. Candy is my body and teddy-bears are my blood. I have snatched over a thousand little girls. Unknown to police. Nor known to Chris Henson. Have withstood time to stalk many children. Yet those kids will never be enough. So as I pray--

Unlimited Pedo Works
Cez★ is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-28-2011, 07:42 PM   #105
theholycow
Bovinus Administratus
 
theholycow's Avatar
 

Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Greener pastures
Posts: 32,377
theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.
theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.
Default

Quote:
(Restaurant | Liverpool, UK)

(When a customer orders water at our restaurant, it shows up on their receipts as H2O.)

Customer: *loudly* “I think you’ve given me the wrong bill. You’ve charged me for H2O. I only had water!”

Me: *speechless*

Customer: “I want a refund. I’m not paying for something that I didn’t even have!”

(She carries on ranting for a couple of minutes until her friend points out to her in a surprisingly calm way that H2O is water.)

Customer: “Oh, is it?! I thought that was juice!” *slinks out looking embarrassed*
Quote:
(Farm | Langley, BC, Canada)

(I work on a berry farm and we have U-pick on the farm. While working in U-pick, I come across a woman and her son walking in the small wooded area beside one of the strawberry fields.)

Me: “Hi, ma’am, I couldn’t help but notice you walking through the trees here. Are you looking for someone?”

Customer: “Oh, hi. Um, no…we aren’t looking for anyone.”

(She continues to walk away from me.)

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, I’m going to have to ask you to come back to the strawberry field now. This wooded area is actually not on farm property.”

Customer: “Oh, that’s okay. We’ll be quick. My son just needs to poop.”

Me: “Oh! Actually, we ask that you don’t do that here. We have restrooms back at the main building.”

(I point to the building, which is about 20 yards away.)

Customer: *sighs* “Well, alright, but that’s a pretty long way to walk…”
Quote:
(Tourist Attraction | Harpers Ferry, WV, USA)

(We are whitewater rafting in West Virginia. While floating between rapids, a girl in her mid-20s from a large city in Virginia, randomly starts asking me questions.)

Customer: “Man! There are a lot of trees here. Why are there so many trees? Can’t you take some of them out?”

Me: “Um, okay. Why do we need to take the trees out?”

Customer: “Well, I thought trees had to be at least 20 feet apart!”

(It’s obvious she’s a city girl, so I decide to have a little fun.)

Me: “Oh, well let me explain. You see, over in Virginia, they plowed down the forest, built your parking lot, and then planted a couple trees to try and make it look pretty. Here in West Virginia, the trees naturally grew this way and we decided to leave them because we like oxygen.”

Customer: “Oh…well, trees are ugly.”
...
__________________
theholycow is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-28-2011, 08:36 PM   #106
stonehenge
y u hovering on my shit for?
 
stonehenge's Avatar
 

Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Hoenn
Posts: 85,082
stonehenge says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.stonehenge says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.stonehenge says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.stonehenge says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.stonehenge says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.stonehenge says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.
stonehenge says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.stonehenge says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.stonehenge says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.stonehenge says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.stonehenge says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.stonehenge says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.stonehenge says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.
Default

Quote:
I awoke one morning to find that I had no internet access... with no time to deal with it before work I headed out to the car. There I saw the DSL line, detached from the utility pole and draped over my car, onto the ground. All sorts of wires were sticking out the end.

After work I called Verizon support. Of course I was connected to some outsourced support company.

Me: Yes, the DSL line to my house has fallen off of the utility pole.

Them: So you have no internet access?

Me: Correct.

Them: Okay, I will need you to restart your computer.

Me: No. The line, outside my house, is lying on the ground with wires sticking out of it. Restarting my computer will not reattach it.

We proceeded, undeterred down the troubleshooting script; restart the router, refresh IP, check connection from modem to wall, etc. Each time I tried to rephrase the issue in a way they would understand. It took about 30 minutes for them to agree to send someone to fix the line. They still insisted that I would have to be there to let the tech in the house to troubleshoot.
stonehenge is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-28-2011, 09:24 PM   #107
Cez★
C-E-Z★ bitch
 
Cez★'s Avatar
 
El Emigrante Champion Kill Time in Your Office Champion Tobby: Crane Champion Zelda Champion
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: New Port City
Age: 32
Posts: 105,895
Cez★ says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.Cez★ says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.Cez★ says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.Cez★ says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.Cez★ says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.Cez★ says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.Cez★ says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.Cez★ says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.Cez★ says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.
Cez★ says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.Cez★ says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.Cez★ says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.Cez★ says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.Cez★ says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.Cez★ says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.Cez★ says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.Cez★ says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.Cez★ says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.
Default

__________________
Pirate Asuka Ready to Plunder Your Booty


Quote:
I am the robber of my cradle. Candy is my body and teddy-bears are my blood. I have snatched over a thousand little girls. Unknown to police. Nor known to Chris Henson. Have withstood time to stalk many children. Yet those kids will never be enough. So as I pray--

Unlimited Pedo Works
Cez★ is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-28-2011, 09:27 PM   #108
theholycow
Bovinus Administratus
 
theholycow's Avatar
 

Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Greener pastures
Posts: 32,377
theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.
theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.
Default

Quote:
(Electronics Store | New Zealand)

Customer: “Hi there, darling. Uh, I was wondering, do you have any pads?”

Me: “Do you mean iPads?”

Customer: “Yeah pads, iPads, whatever. Can you show me where they are?”

Me: “Sure, ma’am. Are you interested in the iPad or the iPad 2?”

Customer: “Wait…so, like, you use the iPad at day and the iPad 2 at night?”
__________________
theholycow is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-02-2011, 07:46 PM   #109
theholycow
Bovinus Administratus
 
theholycow's Avatar
 

Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Greener pastures
Posts: 32,377
theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.
theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.
Default

Quote:
(I’m reading when I hear my boyfriend scream.)

Me: “What happened?”

Boyfriend: “I hit my forehead!”

Me: “Aww, here’s a kiss. ”

(I kiss him on the forehead.)

Boyfriend: “You know, I also hit my crotch…”
...that's how it works with my wife and I, too.

Quote:
(Restaurant | Edmonton, AB, Canada)

(This happens to me while I am working as a cashier at a popular fast food place. A big, stereotypical jock teen in a football sweater comes up to my till.)

Me: “Hi, what can I get you today?”

Customer: “I’d like two apple pies, please.”

Me: “Sure, hang on a second.”

(I ring up the order and gives him the pies.)

Customer: “There’s something wrong…”

Me: “What?”

Customer: “I s*** my pants.”

Me: *shocked* “Wait, what?”

Customer: “I S*** MY PANTS!” *continues screaming and walks out of the store*
__________________
theholycow is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-03-2011, 03:04 PM   #110
theholycow
Bovinus Administratus
 
theholycow's Avatar
 

Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Greener pastures
Posts: 32,377
theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.
theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.
Default

I just got this call from Derpa, head of a department that uses computers more than most other departments.

Derpa: My emails are missing. I should have hundreds in my Inbox but there are 21.

Cow: Ok, I'll connect up and take a look.
{Look up user's IP, run VNC}
{It says Inbox (21) and I see that there's plenty of emails in it.}

Cow: Everything looks pretty normal. Do you remember a specific one that's missing? If we can find it, all the others are probably there with it.

Derpa: Yes. One on 10/18 from Derpina.

{I do a search for from: Derpina. We see the one she mentioned. It says it's in the Inbox}

Cow: Ok, maybe you have a display filter or something. First, let's see where the messages stop.

{Scroll to the oldest, then scroll smoothly to the one she mentioned}

Cow: It seems to be there ok. You do know that the "21" next to "Inbox" just says how many are unread, right?

__________________
theholycow is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-03-2011, 03:12 PM   #111
stonehenge
y u hovering on my shit for?
 
stonehenge's Avatar
 

Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Hoenn
Posts: 85,082
stonehenge says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.stonehenge says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.stonehenge says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.stonehenge says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.stonehenge says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.stonehenge says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.
stonehenge says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.stonehenge says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.stonehenge says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.stonehenge says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.stonehenge says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.stonehenge says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.stonehenge says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.
Default

stonehenge is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-03-2011, 03:30 PM   #112
Cez★
C-E-Z★ bitch
 
Cez★'s Avatar
 
El Emigrante Champion Kill Time in Your Office Champion Tobby: Crane Champion Zelda Champion
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: New Port City
Age: 32
Posts: 105,895
Cez★ says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.Cez★ says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.Cez★ says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.Cez★ says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.Cez★ says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.Cez★ says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.Cez★ says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.Cez★ says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.Cez★ says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.
Cez★ says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.Cez★ says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.Cez★ says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.Cez★ says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.Cez★ says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.Cez★ says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.Cez★ says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.Cez★ says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.Cez★ says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.
Default

__________________
Pirate Asuka Ready to Plunder Your Booty


Quote:
I am the robber of my cradle. Candy is my body and teddy-bears are my blood. I have snatched over a thousand little girls. Unknown to police. Nor known to Chris Henson. Have withstood time to stalk many children. Yet those kids will never be enough. So as I pray--

Unlimited Pedo Works
Cez★ is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-03-2011, 08:14 PM   #113
theholycow
Bovinus Administratus
 
theholycow's Avatar
 

Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Greener pastures
Posts: 32,377
theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.
theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.
Default

Quote:
(Online Store | UK)

(I work for an online store that sells mostly shoes, bags, and other accessories. This particular Christmas, the weather conditions in the UK are so bad that almost all deliveries are delayed by several days.)

Me: “Hello, this is [name]. How can I help you?”

Caller: “My package still hasn’t arrived. I ordered it almost five days ago. This is an outrage!”

Me: “I apologize. All orders are currently delayed due to adverse weather conditions.”

Caller: “Are you telling me I paid 4.50 for shipping and you can’t even deliver them to me before the 25th? This is unbelievable!”

Me: “I apologize for the delay. We will of course refund all shipping and handling costs.”

Caller: “You don’t understand. I want my order now! It needs to be here before Christmas! My daughter asked for those shoes specifically.”

Me: “Your order will most likely not arrive before Christmas, but I can have a look if these particular shoes are available in any stores near you.”

Caller: “Are you kidding me? How am I supposed to get to the store? I’m snowed in!”
Quote:
(Auto Mechanic | Austin, TX, USA)

(My manager is talking to a customer about what they need fixed on their car. I often eavesdrop so I can hear from a person’s own words what is wrong. It often helps me to diagnose the problem.)

Customer: “The truck isn’t running right. It doesn’t have power and runs rough.”

Me: “Well, when do you notice the problem?’

Customer: “When I’m slowing down.”

Me: “I’m sorry, it doesn’t have power when braking? ”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “Do you mean the brakes don’t feel right?”

Customer: “No.”

Me: “What about when you get back on the gas pedal? Does it go fine?”

Customer: “Oh, yes it has plenty of power then.”

Me: “So, when you are on the brakes and slowing down, the truck doesn’t have power, but when you get back on the throttle it has plenty of power?”

Customer: “Exactly.”

Me: *speechless*

(We take the car in and run full diagnostics. I never found anything wrong with the truck. It ran like it was brand new and have very few miles on it.)
__________________
theholycow is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-03-2011, 08:18 PM   #114
Fatso
Senior Member
 
Fatso's Avatar
 

Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 2,292
Fatso probably haz a DROID device
Fatso probably haz a DROID deviceFatso probably haz a DROID deviceFatso probably haz a DROID deviceFatso probably haz a DROID deviceFatso probably haz a DROID deviceFatso probably haz a DROID deviceFatso probably haz a DROID deviceFatso probably haz a DROID deviceFatso probably haz a DROID deviceFatso probably haz a DROID deviceFatso probably haz a DROID deviceFatso probably haz a DROID deviceFatso probably haz a DROID deviceFatso probably haz a DROID deviceFatso probably haz a DROID deviceFatso probably haz a DROID device
Default

people are stupid

Tapatalk
__________________
NHB
muppet fgt
buick fgt
CV fgt
popo fgt
Cez fgt
nekkidness fgt
apple hating fgt
Fatso is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-03-2011, 08:43 PM   #115
stonehenge
y u hovering on my shit for?
 
stonehenge's Avatar
 

Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Hoenn
Posts: 85,082
stonehenge says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.stonehenge says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.stonehenge says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.stonehenge says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.stonehenge says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.stonehenge says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.
stonehenge says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.stonehenge says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.stonehenge says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.stonehenge says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.stonehenge says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.stonehenge says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.stonehenge says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.
Default

fuckin dumbasses

Especially the truck guy.
stonehenge is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-04-2011, 06:42 PM   #116
theholycow
Bovinus Administratus
 
theholycow's Avatar
 

Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Greener pastures
Posts: 32,377
theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.
theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.
Default

Quote:
(Fast Food | Washington, USA)

(Another employee and I are working the drive-thru and we both are able to talk to customers at the speaker box.)

Male coworker: “Hi, what can I get for you?”

Customer: “Well, I’ll take a number two and a number seven.”

(At this point, my coworker has to talk to another customer, so I finish talking to the customer. I am a woman.)

Me: “Okay, and what would you like to drink with those?”

Customer: “Wh-What happened to the MAN I was talking to?”

Me: “I’m sorry… he was helping another customer for a moment. Did you not want to talk to me?”

Customer: “That’s just rude and confusing for the customer!”
...I agree, it is rude to change who is talking to the customer. Should be the same employee throughout the same order.

Quote:
(Coffee Shop | Indiana, USA)

(A woman comes through our drive-thru and orders an iced mocha. This happens after I hand her the drink.)

Customer: “Um…is this an iced mocha?”

Me: “Yes, it is.”

(The customer purses her lips, stares at her drink, then hands it back to me.)

Customer: “Well, this isn’t an iced mocha. It’s supposed to be hot.”

Me: “Oh, so you wanted a regular hot mocha?”

Customer: “No, I want a hot iced mocha.”

Me: “Ok, so…you would like some ice in your hot mocha?”

Customer: “No, I want a hot iced mocha!”

Me: “Well, an iced mocha is usually cold and has ice in it…”

(I trail off as the woman just stares at me as if I’m insane, so I try again to figure out what “iced” means.)

Me: “Do you mean you’d like whipped cream on it?”

Customer: *becoming irate* “No! I want a hot iced mocha! I always get a hot iced mocha! They make it for me all the time at the other [other coffee shop].”

Me: “Okay, we’ll make that for you. ”

(I close the window and ask my coworker to make a regular hot mocha and give it to the woman, while I dash to the back to laugh my head off. When I return, my coworker tells me that the woman is perfectly satisfied with her hot mocha. To this day, I’m still trying to figure out what she meant by “iced.”)
Must be on meth.

Quote:
(Bookstore | Grand Rapids, MI, USA)

Customer: “I want to know what romance books are good right now. I want a really good romance, since I’m going on vacation.”

Me: “Well, I don’t really read romance novels, but I can tell you what is popular. Have you read any Sherrilyn Kenyon?”

Customer: “What is it? Is it like vampires or something?”

Me: “It’s considered paranormal romance and is very popular.”

Customer: “Well, I don’t want anything unrealistic.”

Me: “Well, then you probably don’t want a romance novel.”

Customer: “I want something realistic like Twilight. Do you have any books like that?”
__________________
theholycow is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-04-2011, 06:46 PM   #117
stonehenge
y u hovering on my shit for?
 
stonehenge's Avatar
 

Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Hoenn
Posts: 85,082
stonehenge says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.stonehenge says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.stonehenge says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.stonehenge says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.stonehenge says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.stonehenge says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.
stonehenge says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.stonehenge says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.stonehenge says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.stonehenge says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.stonehenge says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.stonehenge says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.stonehenge says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.
Default

iced beverage is cold!?

stonehenge is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-04-2011, 07:34 PM   #118
theholycow
Bovinus Administratus
 
theholycow's Avatar
 

Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Greener pastures
Posts: 32,377
theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.
theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.
Default

Quote:
(Coffee Shop | Blue Jay, CA, USA)

(We are a brand-new business. We’ve only been open for one week at this point. We open earlier than our competition because it’s a potential market.)

Customer: “What time do you open in the morning?”

Me: “5:00 am.”

Customer: “But [competition] opens at 6:00.”

Me: “Yes, they do.”

Customer: “So, why do you open at 5:00?”

Me: “Because some people leave for work before 6:00.”

Customer: “But [competition] doesn’t open until 6:00, so how can you open at 5:00?!”
Quote:
(My parents are having dinner at a popular pizza arcade; it’s also where my little sister and I work. They happen to be sitting within earshot of the following conversation.)

My boss, to me: “You. Go put on the [character] costume for [male coworker's] party.”

Me, to male coworker: “Aww, I hate having to wear that costume. I just know those kids are going to attack me again.”

(My male coworker wraps his arms around my shoulder.)

Male coworker: “It’s okay, I’ll protect you. If any little kids come up to you, I’ll beat them up for you!”

(He starts to walk me back to the costume room and we pass right by my parents.)

Mom: *yelling* “Quick! Marry him now! Your father would never beat up any little kids for me while I was wearing a rat costume!”
Quote:
(Office | Orange County, CA, USA)

Me: “Good morning, this is [name] at [company]. How may I help you?

Caller: “May I please speak to [co-worker]?”

Me: “He is not in the office today. May I take a message?”

Caller: “No, I just wanted to confirm if he got my email. Can you have him call me and let me know?”

Me: “Of course, may I get your name and phone number?”

(The customer proceeds to give me a phone number, the spelling of her name, and a detailed message.)

Me: “Okay, I have everything. I’ll be sure to give him your message as soon as possible.”

Caller: “No! I didn’t want to leave a message. I just want him to call me back.”

Me: “But you do want me to tell him it’s regarding your email, correct?”

Caller: “Yes! And don’t forget to let him know about the change in time.”

Me: “Okay, I’ll give him the message.”

Caller: “I’m not leaving him a message! I just want you to give him that information!”
__________________
theholycow is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-04-2011, 07:45 PM   #119
stonehenge
y u hovering on my shit for?
 
stonehenge's Avatar
 

Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Hoenn
Posts: 85,082
stonehenge says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.stonehenge says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.stonehenge says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.stonehenge says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.stonehenge says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.stonehenge says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.
stonehenge says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.stonehenge says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.stonehenge says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.stonehenge says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.stonehenge says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.stonehenge says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.stonehenge says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.
Default

I seriously seriously hope some of these are made up or we as a race are truly fucked.
stonehenge is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-04-2011, 08:11 PM   #120
theholycow
Bovinus Administratus
 
theholycow's Avatar
 

Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Greener pastures
Posts: 32,377
theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.
theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.
Default

Quote:
(Concession Stand | Kansas City, MO, USA)

(A woman, about 40 years old, is looking at all our different food and drink items on a list on our front window.)

Me: “Hi! What can I get you today?”

Customer: “Yeah, uh…what’s j-u-i-c-e?”

Me: *pause* “Er, that’s juice.”

Customer: “Oh.”

(Stands there apparently thinking for about 10 seconds.)

Customer: “I don’t know what that is. Never mind!” *walks away*
__________________
theholycow is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-04-2011, 08:13 PM   #121
stonehenge
y u hovering on my shit for?
 
stonehenge's Avatar
 

Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Hoenn
Posts: 85,082
stonehenge says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.stonehenge says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.stonehenge says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.stonehenge says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.stonehenge says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.stonehenge says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.
stonehenge says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.stonehenge says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.stonehenge says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.stonehenge says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.stonehenge says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.stonehenge says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.stonehenge says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.
Default

wtf @ don't know juice
stonehenge is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-04-2011, 09:14 PM   #122
Cez★
C-E-Z★ bitch
 
Cez★'s Avatar
 
El Emigrante Champion Kill Time in Your Office Champion Tobby: Crane Champion Zelda Champion
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: New Port City
Age: 32
Posts: 105,895
Cez★ says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.Cez★ says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.Cez★ says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.Cez★ says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.Cez★ says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.Cez★ says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.Cez★ says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.Cez★ says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.Cez★ says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.
Cez★ says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.Cez★ says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.Cez★ says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.Cez★ says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.Cez★ says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.Cez★ says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.Cez★ says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.Cez★ says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.Cez★ says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Juan! View Post
I seriously seriously hope some of these are made up or we as a race are truly fucked.


i be preparing mah flaming axe right nao
__________________
Pirate Asuka Ready to Plunder Your Booty


Quote:
I am the robber of my cradle. Candy is my body and teddy-bears are my blood. I have snatched over a thousand little girls. Unknown to police. Nor known to Chris Henson. Have withstood time to stalk many children. Yet those kids will never be enough. So as I pray--

Unlimited Pedo Works
Cez★ is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-06-2011, 07:22 PM   #123
theholycow
Bovinus Administratus
 
theholycow's Avatar
 

Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Greener pastures
Posts: 32,377
theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.
theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.
Default

Quote:
(Pharmacy | California, USA)

(I work in the OTC section of a well-known pharmacy chain. I’m stocking the shelves in an aisle when a customer approaches me.)

Customer: “Excuse me. I’ve looked all over here. Where are your hemorrhoid wipes?”

Me: “Oh, those are actually down on Aisle 20.”

Customer: “Really? Why are they over there and not in this aisle with the rest of the anal care?”

Me: “I’m sorry, what?”

Customer: “Anal care!” *points at the aisle’s sign*

(The sign she was pointing at? “Analgesics”.)
Quote:
(Movie Theater | Minden, NV, USA)

(I am cleaning the lobby in the theater when a female customer comes out of the restroom. She goes to use the drinking fountain. As with most businesses, the restrooms are located right next to the fountain.)

Customer: *aghast* “This is disgusting!”

Me: “Is there something wrong with the tap, ma’am? We do clean it often but I haven’t made it over there yet this round.”

Customer: “No, it is lovely. You do a fine job. It was just horrible!”

Me: “If there is nothing wrong, why was it horrible?”

Customer: “Because when I was drinking the water, I heard a toilet flush in the restroom and it made the water pressure go down!”

Me: “Well, yes. The plumbing is connected as they both draw from the–”

Customer: “That water that I was drinking? A minute later, if I hadn’t come along, it would have been used to flush someone’s waste? That is so disgusting! I can’t believe it!”

Me: “Well, would you rather the water pressure went up when you heard the flush?”

(The customer takes a step back and looks confused. Suddenly, the implication of my statement reaches her nearly hysterical mind and she flees the building with a look of horror on her face.)
Quote:
(Call Center | South Australia, Australia)

Me: “Hi, thank you for calling [company]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “Yeah, I was wondering if I can get my customer account number? I seem to have lost it.”

Me: “Not a problem. I just need to ask you a few questions to verify your identity. What is your full name?”

(The customer gives me his first and last name. I find him in the system, but I require him to state his full name with first, second, and last name. At this point, I notice that his second name is a bit…unusual.)

Me: *trying not to giggle* “I’m sorry, but I will require your full name, your first, second, and last name.”

Customer: “Really? Haha, but I was drunk when I registered. Do I really have to say it? You can see it right there. Surely, I don’t need to say it out loud?”

Me: “Yes, I can see it. It certainly helps in the identification process, which is why I need you to say it for me.”

Customer: “All right. Okay, my name is [first name] buttmonkey [last name].”

Me: “Thank you–”

Customer: “I really need to net nanny the Internet when I drink.”
__________________
theholycow is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-06-2011, 08:20 PM   #124
shootermcgavin003
Pro Golfer
 
shootermcgavin003's Avatar
 
Spiffyspeud Champion Word Jam Champion
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: In the hole, every time.
Posts: 20,687
shootermcgavin003 will gtfo if Matt becomes mod on AOTshootermcgavin003 will gtfo if Matt becomes mod on AOTshootermcgavin003 will gtfo if Matt becomes mod on AOTshootermcgavin003 will gtfo if Matt becomes mod on AOT
shootermcgavin003 will gtfo if Matt becomes mod on AOTshootermcgavin003 will gtfo if Matt becomes mod on AOTshootermcgavin003 will gtfo if Matt becomes mod on AOTshootermcgavin003 will gtfo if Matt becomes mod on AOTshootermcgavin003 will gtfo if Matt becomes mod on AOTshootermcgavin003 will gtfo if Matt becomes mod on AOT
Default

the beating up little kids one is great sounds like some shit my mom would say
__________________
I eat pieces of shit like you for breakfast.

shootermcgavin003 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-08-2011, 02:08 AM   #125
theholycow
Bovinus Administratus
 
theholycow's Avatar
 

Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Greener pastures
Posts: 32,377
theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.
theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.theholycow says if you haz iPhone problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but my Droid aint one.
Default

Quote:
(Coffee Shop | Clyde, OH, USA)

Customer: “I’d like a half decaf, half caffeinated skim milk latte, medium size.”

(I make the latte with her staring at me the entire time, apparently making sure I’m making it right.)

Me: “Here’s your half caf grande nonfat latte.”

Customer: “You said half caf? You made the other half decaf, right?”

Me: “Well, yes. If one half is caffeinated, then the other half has to be decaf, right?”

Customer: “You don’t need to be smart!”

(She walks away ticked off and complaining to her friend saying she better not be awake all night because I’m unable to make her drink correctly.)
Quote:
(Cafe | Kansas City, MO, USA)

(I work for a small local cafe. It’s late in the evening and I am busy with tables and to-go orders. A customer calls to put in an order.)

Me: “Thanks for calling [cafe]. What can I get for you?”

Caller: “Yeah, I need one chicken gyro and a cream soda to go.”

Me: “Anything else for you this evening?”

Caller: “No, but I am in a hurry. Could you just bring it out to the car for me? I just went into labor and cannot get out of the car.”

Me: “Um…is there anyone else with you?”

Caller: “Only my two year old.”

Me: “Oh, okay. I’ll bring it out to you when you arrive.”

(It actually takes an extra 30 minutes for her to drive up and pick up her order. Surprisingly, when she arrives, she sits in the car for another 20 minutes and eats her meal all while she’s in labor with a 2 year old in the back seat.)
Quote:
(Hotel | Boone, NC, USA)

Customer: “What’s up there?” *pointing at the stairs*

Me: “Those stairs take you to the second floor and the breakfast area.”

Customer: “So, like, if we walk up those stairs, we’ll be on the second floor?”

Me: “Yes, that’s generally what happens when you go up stairs.”

Customer: “That’s so cool! They’ve got stairs and an elevator!”
__________________
theholycow is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Bookmarks


Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Miscellaneous lol pics theholycow Anything Goes 16851 10-22-2017 03:14 PM
Text a girl and ask if her if "you can tap that" BillyJeanKing Anything Goes 118 04-17-2013 04:23 PM
Sex Positions [PICS] Streetcred Anything Goes 10 10-09-2009 01:32 AM
I want to see some house pics... Shaggy Anything Goes 44 04-28-2009 02:25 AM


All times are GMT +1. The time now is 09:42 AM.


Design By: Miner Skinz.com
Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2024, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
no new posts