[theholycow]

(My fiancee is an extremely outgoing and charismatic individual. Unfortunately, sometimes women take his outgoing personality as expressing interest in them. One day, he has the following conversation with a female classmate.)

Classmate: “Oh, hey! I noticed you weren’t in lab today.”

My fiancee: “Yeah, I switched labs today because we had some plans this morning for the car.”

Classmate: “We? Who’s we?”

My fiancee: “My fiancee and I. She needed new tires.”

Classmate: *sadly* “Oh, I thought you wanted to have me be your girlfriend…”

My fiancee: “Oh, sorry about that. I didn’t mean to lead you on.”

Classmate: “It’s okay, I just dreamed last night about you hog-tying me while being romantic. See you later!”

Hot

(My sister is at her boyfriend’s house for dinner with his family. She’s excited and nervous because he’d told her it would be “a night you’ll never forget.” She has a habit of always unfolding napkins and setting them on her lap before eating, which he’s teased her about before. When she sits down, everyone stares at her, making her feel even more self-conscious.)

Sister: “What’s everyone looking at?”

Boyfriend: “Nothing. So, aren’t you going to open your napkin and put it on your lap?”

(My sister thinks he’s teasing her in front of his family, so she refuses.)

Sister: “No. No I’m not.”

(As dinner progresses, everyone continues to stare at her.)

Sister: *wipes mouth with napkin without opening it*

Boyfriend’s kid sister: *starts laughing uncontrollably*

Sister: “What?! What’s so funny?”

(The kid sister spills her drink from laughing, and my sister automatically reaches to clean up the spill with her napkin.)

Boyfriend: “Oh, for God’s sake!”

(He snatches the napkin from her hand, opens it, and sets it on the table in front of her. Written on the napkin are the words, “Will you marry me?” My sister stares in shock, and then bursts into tears. An awkward silence descends until she buries her face in her boyfriend’s shoulder.)

Boyfriend’s father: “Um. Is that a yes, then?”

(My sister nods, crying too hard to talk. His father proceeds to bring out a cake that says “Congratulations Ashley and Larry!” as my sister continues to cry.)

Boyfriend’s father: “We had another cake that said ‘Thanks Anyway!’ just in case.”

...that's exactly how that plan would have worked for me, too. That shit always happens to me.