Smiley Stories

[BillyJeanKing]

CIA guy is transporting a breefkase wif the help of 4 security guards (2 BAMF & 2 Regular) to a courthouse in NYC

:security: :crossarms: :secret: :crossarms: :security:



As they cross the Lincoln bridge a Pirate guy comes out of nowhere and kills a Reg security

:pirate:



Now they are down to 2 BAMF & 1 Reg

:security: :crossarms: :secret: :security:



The entorage gets hungry so they stop for nomz at a diner

:roflhouse: :feedme:

A Reg security guy spots 2 shooters outside in the parking lot

:guns: :shooter:


As the shooters get close 1 BAMF & 1 Reg pull out their weapons and try and protect :secret:

The other BAMF decides he doesn't want to kill anyone and hides behind a booth

:sofa:

Turns out he wasn't really a BAMF, just a Reg in sunglasses :facepalm:

After the BAMF & the Reg kill the gunmen they beat the hell out of the other security guard

:boxing:

The BAMF and Reg continue to escort the CIA guy

:security: :secret: :crossarms:


When they get to the courtroom an angry homeless guy starts rambling about something

:pissed:


The entourage doesn't pay it any attention until the HG rips off his trenchcoat and surprise

:ninja:

The Reg security is tired of the BS so he just gives the guy a swift kick


:nutkick:

:owned2:

The entorage finally make it into the courtroom

:cheers:

Secret guy hands the judge the breefkase

:secret: :handshake:

The judge opens it and finds a DVD, he tells the baliff to play it and its a.....

:eatAtY: :humping:











pr0n

[theholycow]

:roflsquared:

[Cez★]

:rofl: nice

[stonehenge]

[buff gai be hangin out and coo gai walks in]

:cool: "i'm so pimp its ridiculous"

:crossarms: "Gimme dem shades foo."

:cool: "but i just bought...

:crossarms: "GIMME DA FUCKIN SHADES" :pissedfist:

:rolleyes: "ok ok sorry..."

[gives shades]

:security: "Thats right foo, WALK AWAY"

:(

:security: "Ya thats right bitch"

[Cez★]

:roflbow:

[theholycow]

:lol:

[stonehenge]

:headpalm: "Damn I hazn't got none in fo-evah"
[brah drives to bad part of town]
:o "10 in the front, 20 in the back sugah"
:humping:

END

[Cez★]

me>:slap:<dooshcrocodile


END

[2005_Silverado]

this one time, in gmfs, chad called juan a retard

:blah:

[stonehenge]

:word: thats like :supergay: calling :security: a fgt. it just don't make senses

[Shaggy]

:lol: Nice.

[BillyJeanKing]

Some :naughty: stuff happened on GMFS and now :aot:

:rofl:

[stonehenge]

hey brahzz can you add this smilie? kthxbi
hellllll ya brah hold on

alright lemme just add this smilie...

http://farm5.static.flickr.com/4058/4290188729_5cbeba2e5d_o.png

http://farm5.static.flickr.com/4062/4290192771_547623b9e4_o.png

:ffuuu:

[Cez★]

:roflbow: :roflsquared: :roflbow: :roflsquared: :roflbow: :roflsquared: :roflbow: :roflsquared: :roflbow:

[BillyJeanKing]

that looks cool cez :D

[stonehenge]

it's like a roflwave

[Cez★]

:shake:

[theholycow]

Not quite the same format, but here's how the last ~12 hours of my life has gone...

Went to bed, ignored Nip/Tuck with my earplugs. Nice.
:ahhh:

Then :humping:
:ahhh:

Then sleep.
:ahhh:

Wake up late. Usually, even if I went to bed late, I wake up early and lay in bed awake but still resting. Today I was totally unconscious until the secondary extra-loud wake-up alarm broke through the earplugs.
:ffuuu:

Have none of my usual urgent need to dump. I give up and tell wife she might as well take her shower. :uhoh: Hope I don't have to dump while she's in the shower.

Dump is ready.
:ffuuu:

I walk up to the bathroom door to yell that I need her to finish up. I hear that the shower isn't running. It's not long before she gets out.
:better:

I dump but I don't feel done. :100courics:

I finish my morning stuff and leave for work. She needs to stop at a convenience store. :doh2:

As I back out of my space, a SUV bitch is driving along the parking lot. She hasn't left much room between her and the row of parked cars. I can squeeze through but it'll be tight. She backs up but doesn't steer any differently, so there's still only the narrow space. :wtf2:

Whatever. I squeeze through, no problem, IGAF if it's tight and scares her. She's all like :chuy:

I finish driving to work and see a better parking space than I usually get.
:ahhh:

I get in the space before anyone else gets there.
:better:

I get into work and remember the shit I left unfinished last night.
:ffuuu:

My boss tells me that some student was all :pissedfist: about the internet connection at 11pm last night. What the fuck, this isn't MIT, we don't have the center of the fucking internet and 1 billion gigabit connections going out to all the backbones. This is a small Catholic college out in the middle of the forest with almost no technology curriculum. I'd love to convince the president that we need a bunch of gigabit backbone connections but it ain't gonna happen. :sumo:

I start looking at firewall logs to see what the fuck is going on and there was a DDOS last night. :eek2:

Looking more, the new Sophos antivirus server I installed on our DC seems to have been getting blocked by the firewall too, it can't download updates because the virus signatures are detected as viruses. :nono: That shit should be encrypted.

Or maybe the DC has a virus. :uhoh:

In the meantime, a bunch of other shit is all :gay:

[stonehenge]

I :jester:ed

[BillyJeanKing]

yay! revival of smiley story thread :pepperjest:

[Cez★]

this be me everyday driving to school on fucked up roads
:ffuuu:

[stonehenge]

thats what you get for low

[Cez★]

ya but teh looks be
:ahhh:

but when douchenozzles be right behind me i be
:ffuuu:

[theholycow]

I've been posting these in teh chat thread but hey...might as well give them their own thread. Not quite "smiley stories" since text is required...

Today I went to mow the lawn. I decided to try putting some thicker oil in the ol' Craftsman mower to quiet the rod knock. I went to where I thought I had put the old differential oil out of my truck and the bottles were empty.
:ffuuu:

I opened an unidentified oil bottle next to that which I figured must be where it is. It doesn't look or smell like 80w90 gear oil.
:fiwdil:

I can't find the drain cock (uh huhuhuhuhh he said cock) on the mower so I RTFM (luckily I had downloaded it before). It says you just tip the mower on its side and let the oil drain out of the oil fill hole. :shrug: Ok, whatever dude.

I drain the oil, put in the stuff that may or may not be used 80w90 gear oil, pour the lawnmower's old oil into a bottle, go to start the mower. Pull, fire, stall. Pull, fire, stall.
:ffuuu:

Ok, maybe I'll try the old MTD mower that I keep thinking one day I'll fix. Pull, fire, stall.
:ffuuu:

I take the air filter housing off and spray starting fluid in. It runs as long as I spray starting fluid and stalls when I quit.
:ffuuu:

I give up on the MTD.
:fuckinthingsucks:

I resume working on the Crapsman. I start it and immediately start pumping the priming bulb like I'm giving it CPR.
:concentrate:
It runs as long as I keep pumping. I quit pumping and it still runs.
:happeh:
I think it's good.
:ahhh:
I'm wrong. It stalls.
:ffuuu:

I give the primer a few pumps and start the engine, then immediately fiddle with the throttle/governor linkage. RPM goes up and I fear for my life, worried that parts will come whizzing out at 800mph.
http://www.camaro5.com/forums/images/smilies/yikes.gif

After revving it up too high a few times and holding it a little higher than normal for a minute or two I let go and it runs without stalling.
:grd:
:fuckyeah:

I mow the lawn, come in and post this, and pop a beer and/or maybe some tequila.
:lootie:
:ahhh:

[Cez★]

you haz repost

[theholycow]

:lolwut:

I started a thread for these already?

---------- Post added at 04:18 PM ---------- Previous post was at 04:17 PM ----------

You're not talking about my "Epic story of teh suck" are you? That one deserves its own thread.

[Cez★]

no i think wan started one

[theholycow]

:think: Didn't he start the Smiley Stories thread where you have to do it without text?

[Cez★]

nope. his still has text

[BillyJeanKing]

aww ****uh, i started a thread like this

SYGIGH

---------- Post added at 11:57 PM ---------- Previous post was at 11:56 PM ----------

same fakkin name

:read:

http://allofftopic.com/showthread.php?t=524

:pissed:

[BillyJeanKing]

at first i was like:

"oh look, someone bumped by thread!!" :happy:

then i saw that it was started by that damned mad cao and i was all like:

:pissedfist:

Now i want a cao burger :feedme:

[Cez★]

oops
wrong guy lol

[BillyJeanKing]

i expect this thread to be deleted or merged come sunrise :crossarms:

[theholycow]

I remembered the name. That's why I named this one like this.

Ok, I'll merge them. I thought text was not allowed in the other one.

---------- Post added at 06:09 AM ---------- Previous post was at 06:07 AM ----------

:think: where the fakk did the thread go that only allows smileys...I could swear there's one of those.

[BillyJeanKing]

:happeh:

[theholycow]

For weeks, the dog, whom I hate, has been whining and barking non-stop. For the previous five years he had been quiet, but lately he's been like
:ffuuu: :ffuuu: :ffuuu: :ffuuu:

Wife's been screaming at him to shut up, and the neighbors must think we're even worse white trash than ever. He'd be like
:ffuuu:
then she'd be like :pissedfist:
then he'd be like
:ffuuu:
and she'd scream at him like
:ffuuu:
and I'd be like
:ffuuu:

Yesterday I noticed that he was totally quiet. I wondered if he was dead. :cheeky:

He is 14 years old and looks elderly. I've never seen a dog that looks so old. He looks like Mr. Miyagi (original Karate Kid Mr. Miyagi, not remake).

He has a bedroom that he can't leave except out a doggy door to a small escape-proof pen.

This morning the wife can't find him. She's like
:ffuuu:

She looks in the room, doesn't see him, looks outside in his pen, doesn't see him. She starts to freak out, getting hysterical, can't breathe. She insists that he must have escaped. I look and there's no way he could have; he must be behind the couch or something. I stick my head in the door, gagging, and see what looks like large chunks of bread on the couch but everything else looks normal...no dog.

I keep insisting that she needs to explore the room and find him in there. Finally she does. She starts to freak out a little more and calls to me, saying he's stuck in the couch. I ask if he's alive, she says he is.
:ffuuu:

I see that he has dug a hole in the couch and is down inside it. I call him and he sticks his head up, maybe sticks his paws up on the outside of the hole, but makes no effort to pull himself out. He's got little bugs crawling on his face. She insists that I must pull him out.
:ffuuu:

Finally I'm able to get him to get his paws up around the rim of the hole and I pull on his shoulders a little; he walks out of the hole. She asks how to prevent him from falling in and I say cover it with the large dog crate. I hightail it outta there.

She tells me that she couldn't pull him out because he was trying to bite her. WHY THE FUCK DIDN'T SHE WARN ME ABOUT THAT BEFORE SHE SENT ME TO GET HIM???!!?!?!?!?? :headpalm:

She tells me that as soon as she put the crate there and opened the door he ran in. Also, she tells me that the window has been closed so she opened it; and she tried to put the fan in but the fan is broken. I think I know why he was whining...I bet it was 130 degrees in there. :facepalm:

I think he was trying to crawl into the hole to die. :happy:

So now I have to drive her to work. I do that and stop at home on my way to work. The curiousity is killing me so I check on the dog. He's alive and well, at the door as soon as I crack it open.
:ffuuu:

When will this idiot die? :soapbox:

[BillyJeanKing]

i think cao is mad :uhoh:

[Cez★]

:roflmao: bad doggies ftl :down:

[stonehenge]

So the dog has his own room with a doggy door to his own yard? That part sounds like win.

But the fact that you gagged when you put your head in there and that it is hot as fuck = DNW. No wonder he is trying to kill himself.

[theholycow]

Yes, his own decent-sized bedroom with a doggy door out to a doggy balcony, doggy ramp (complete with doggy railings and doggy cleats so he's safe), and 8'x10' doggy yard surrounded by fence.

[stonehenge]

fuckin doggeh condo

sounds like win except for the fan fail

[theholycow]

I had to put it together that way, otherwise teh wife was going to require teh dawg to be in the house with us. DNW.

[stonehenge]

thread tag added

[BillyJeanKing]

Illustrated for AOT:

Customer: “Hi, I’d like to order a small pizza.”
:homerdrool:

Me: “Sure, anything else today?” :mexiblah:

Customer: “My number?”
:cheeky:

Me: “…anything else?”
:bertstare:

Customer: “My number?” *smiles*
:stimpy:

Me: “Your number…?”
:lolwut:

Customer: “…sorry, I wanted to try that pick-up line out.”
:ddog:

Me: “Oh…well…it didn’t work. Have a nice day.”
:kittahstare:

Customer: *walks away with his head down*
:okay:
:emokfc:

i stealed that from cao :cheeky:

[shootermcgavin003]

never get full bread dogs

mutts dont have the fuckstick issues

[theholycow]

Full breed = shallow, murky gene pool.

Kittahs are still better than mutts too.

[stonehenge]

pure bred < mutts < all kittahs

[shenglu]

What the fuck, this is not the Massachusetts Institute of Technology, we do not fuck center and 100 million Gigabit Internet connection, go out the backbone. This is a small Catholic university in the forest almost no technical courses.

[stonehenge]

:csb:

[apedestrian]

What the fuck, this is not the Massachusetts Institute of Technology, we do not fuck center and 100 million Gigabit Internet connection, go out the backbone. This is a small Catholic university in the forest almost no technical courses.

:what?: :fulloffuck:

[stonehenge]

it is relevant to the thread brah

[BillyJeanKing]

so i'm driving :tembo: like a bawws (of course)

breakin bitches necks :pimp:

i pull up to a red light :blah:

the VERY second the light turned green the faggot behind me blows his horn :what?:

I get pissed :pissed:

I start driving and before i know it that faggot fudge packer speeds up and goes around me

he clearly underestimated how much of a crazy son of a bitch i really am

I saw this and without hesitation i sped up (vtec) :tembo: and got right back in front of his dumb ass :rofl:

I flipped him a painful bird :bird:

He realized he was dealing with an unstable motherfucker and fell way back

all in all brix were shat on his part and jests were had on mine

if i see that dick sucker again i will call cez just to get some crazy mexi/azn anime type rage ideas

[stonehenge]

if you follow cez advice, will end up in prison or living in mx on le lamb

i got a fuckin smiley story.. went to google and searched for "kittahstare" hoping that it would find it since AOT be pimp like that

came up as first result, got excited. Hovered over pic and it was from ******** (cgm) :blah:

fgts steal mah smiley and then it somehow is higher on google than le OG aot one?

:disappoint:

[BillyJeanKing]

sue dat cgm :imo:

jailtime be worth it also

i learn some good skills (nunchuks)

[Cez★]

if you follow cez advice, will end up in prison or living in mx on le lamb

i got a fuckin smiley story.. went to google and searched for "kittahstare" hoping that it would find it since AOT be pimp like that

came up as first result, got excited. Hovered over pic and it was from ******** (cgm) :blah:

fgts steal mah smiley and then it somehow is higher on google than le OG aot one?

:disappoint:

:rofltank:

did you check out other results?

i decided to google kittahstare and all these smileys from aot/gmfgts/cgm come up. some anime too :cheeky:

[Barrrf]

Create a story with smilies - Story is - Went to club with pals, drunk, boned fat chick, ect.....

:cheers::drunk::dance::boobs::dickslinger::eatAtY: :bj::turbohumping::sleepy::think::puke::suicide2:

The End

[stonehenge]

:lol:

[TATERNATER]

aaaaand thats how its done

[natsuto]

In fact, you stopped them, and when you put your head where it is hot easy = of DNW. No wonder he tried to commit suicide.

[Cez★]

:what?:

[stonehenge]

:pissedoff: SAY SUMPTIN' ELSE BISH

:pissedoff: YEAH DATS RIGHT BISH