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KOURKE
07-13-2009, 06:35 PM
Actual phrases found on resumes...

"I have lurnt Word Perfect 6.0 computor and spreasheet progroms."

"Am a perfectionist and rarely if if ever forget details."

"Received a plague for Salesperson of the Year."

"Wholly responsible for two (2) failed financial institutions."

"Reason for leaving last job: maturity leave."

"Failed bar exam with relatively high grades."

"It's best for employers that I not work with people."

"Let's meet, so you can 'ooh' and 'aah' over my experience."

"I was working for my mom until she decided to move."

"Marital status: single. Unmarried. Unengaged. Uninvolved.
No commitments."

"I have an excellent track record, although I am not a horse."

"I am loyal to my employer at all costs. Please feel free to respond to my resume on my office voice mail."

"My goal is to be a meteorologist. But since I possess no training in meteorology, I suppose I should try stock brokerage."

"I procrastinate, especially when the task is unpleasant."

"Personal interests: donating blood. Fourteen gallons so far."

"Instrumental in ruining entire operation for a Midwest chain store."

"Note: Please don't misconstrue my 14 jobs as 'job-hopping'. I have never quit a job."

"Marital status: often. Children: various."

"The company made me a scapegoat, just like my three previous employers."

"Finished eighth in my class of ten."

"References: none. I've left a path of destruction behind me."

theholycow
07-14-2009, 02:24 AM
"Wholly responsible for two (2) failed financial institutions."
"Failed bar exam with relatively high grades."
"It's best for employers that I not work with people."
"My goal is to be a meteorologist. But since I possess no training in meteorology, I suppose I should try stock brokerage."
"I procrastinate, especially when the task is unpleasant."
"Instrumental in ruining entire operation for a Midwest chain store."
"Note: Please don't misconstrue my 14 jobs as 'job-hopping'. I have never quit a job."
"Marital status: often. Children: various."
"Finished eighth in my class of ten."
"References: none. I've left a path of destruction behind me."

I'm currently reviewing resumes for an open position in my department, and I would want to bring in these straight shooters for immediate interviews. Seriously. I'm seeing dozens of nearly identical resumes with all good and no bad.

"I procrastinate, especially when the task is unpleasant."

I said almost exactly that at the interview for my current job. They wanted to know something bad about me, so I told them. I got the job.

"Let's meet, so you can 'ooh' and 'aah' over my experience."
"I have an excellent track record, although I am not a horse."

I would also want to meet with those two - sense of humor, thinking outside the box, and willing to take a risk.

Cez★
07-14-2009, 04:26 AM
lmao. maybe I should try these when I go for an interview